What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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