Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My dick has a subreddit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
