Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize