after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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