Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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