So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
