Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
