So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
