Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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