This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
