Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love you. Go after that dick
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
