I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
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