You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
