Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
