im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
