i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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