my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
