then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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