Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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