I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
