next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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