Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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