in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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