you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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