Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she told me i tasted like america
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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