well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
