We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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