yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
