By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
