Me. At least after what I've been through.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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