she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
