I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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