just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
