I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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