I seem to have left my pride at pride
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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