If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
