he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
