dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize