lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
