i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
