Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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