yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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