With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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