member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Shame - the story of my life.
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