I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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