I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize