Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
