How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
two words: eviction party
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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