I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
