He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
