Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
