if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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