ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
