five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
