Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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