And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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