He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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