I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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