I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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