I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
