Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
