Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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