Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
