Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
