he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
