Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
