She is in my trunk
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
