come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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